It's smart to be dumb aka quotes from the office

even if you are the best at your job and you excel, you are now
considered to have met the minimum expectations for your job

a fax came in , the fax machine is working, are you sure?????that the fax
machine wasn't working???

insert my name here, I am not saying you did this, I know you are always on point,but why is this account like this, I know you weren't in the office this day and I know this is not your
account and I know this didn't happen at your facility and that this is your "
slo-workers" fault, but tell me why this is the way it is and how you will fix
it.. I know that we are too cheap and I am too threatened to create a
supervisory position, but I count on you to act like one and do something about
it.

OK, the last quote wasn't actually said, but it has been intimated MANY times over. They just don't know that I have my eyes on a more permanent prize. Catch up people!

5 days

Less than a week, more than everyday. I thought about posting. I really, really did, but I have been a bit busy with " stuff".

Today I was in the store, waiting to use the store's bathroom( ewww). Anyway, a couple of indigent people, actually an indigent couple( white man, black woman) was waiting to go in before me. The man went in first. While the woman was waiting, she was using the mirror of the sunglasses display to put on make-up.

She put on a very bright, almost day-glo pink lipstick. First on her lips, then on her cheeks. Then she brought out a compact of 8 colors, and did her eyes. I'm not sure if she put on any liner or mascara, as I didn't want her to think that I was staring at her, and possibly judging.

I have always wondered about this. Thankfully I have never been homeless nor without any money, but I have always felt that if I was without the basics, I would not think about how I looked. Or being part of a couple, less known being in an intimate relationship with my partner. I would think that I would focus all my attention on getting a job, getting sober( if applicable), finding housing, etc.... I mean, I can barely get in the mood if I think the house is jacked up. Now, think about not having a place to sleep at all. Sexy? Not to me.

But watching this woman made me rethink some things. She was making herself up because it made her feel better. Not so much to make other people accept her, cause let's face it, she had a knee-length down coat on in 65 degree weather. People would think that she had "issues" no matter what her face looked like. Perhaps it's the same regarding having a relationship when you are in that situation. It gives you a sense of normalcy and it has to be comforting to have someone to depend on, even though you are in the same place. I guess when people say " I can do bad all by myself" they haven't been in this couple's position. Maybe that's all the family they have.

Still, I can't see being intimate on a piss stained mattress under a viaduct. But I can empathize.

Look, a tree!

Extreme caution

barely there optimism: what I have now. Something has been brewing for a while now. It has occasionally percalated at times, threatening to spill over, but me, the consummate anal-retentive, always backed down for sake of order.

Funny thing, order. It can be defined many ways. But in my case, in my life as it is now, it means status quo. Everyone living, breathing. Subsisting. Not at all as it should be(order) but how it has been for so long, therefore what you have become used to( order).

Later, I may get into what has happened. I am so cautious that I don't even want to speak on it now.Well, any more than I have now.

Peace...to me and you

Ecclesiastes 7:21,22

Also, do not give your heart to all the words that people may speak, that you may not hear your servant calling down evil upon you. For your own heart well knows even many times that you, even you, have called down evil upon others.

What this means to me is that you can't put much stock in what others may say. How your day goes should not be dependent on other's moods or attention. Also, if you think about how many bad thoughts you have had towards people ( and may have even acted on them), you could lump yourself in with those same people that you claim that you can't stand. The whole one finger pointing, three pointing back at you thing.

I have read this scripture before, but it really resonates this week. I have had many conversations before with some of my slo-workers about allowing their personal differences effect their work performance. I really don't care about their work ethic, but when they are going through their "who is the scapegoat this week" they cause my hoverer to get involved and she is indiscriminant with her management lack-o-skills.

My hoverer hates confrontation, so when there is an issue that affects only one person, it becomes everyone's problem. I HATE that. Deal with the issue and leave me out of it. I barely don't talk to these people. I try to ignore the faux office politics. So, why do I have to be bothered by their inability to act as if they have 2 drops of sense? Who think that if someone did not say 'hi' within 0.25 seconds of coming into the office that person is hating them( and therefore they must hate on them)? Seriously, get your worth from some( where/one) else. Actually, find it within yourself, then it will be with you no matter where you go and who you are with.

I try to avoid listening, which would cause me to take these negative thoughts in my heart. And the heart is the seat of motivation, and I might be motivated to snap off on these people.

And this month I am working on being "peaceable towards all men".

Whoosa!

yesterday

Umm...yeah..didn't post yesterday. NOT because I didn't want to. I just had stalkers around me. Par usuale. I barely want to do this blogging thing anyway, and to have to do it on the sly is very irritating to me. Then again, maybe I am just using their overattentiveness as an excuse not to post. It's possible...

soooo...yesterday I:

1. Worked
2. Cooked
3. Slept

and today I:

1. Worked
2. Cooked
3. am about to go to sleep

I do so much yet I'm not doing anything close to what I want to do. What I want to do versus what I want to want to do versus what I do...do. Some of these things overlap. I'll go over that later.

Now I need to go give my SO their "due". Yipee!

*Twisting my own arm***

I will try verrrry hard to post here at least once a day. It will be like pulling teeth since by nature I am a verrrryyy private person. Even in this anonymous setting. Although this is only supposed to be for me. I still feel like I am revealing too much. And yet nothing at all.

It has been said by many people that to put out negative vibes, to even speak about negative things, opens yourself to more negativity. Then many other people say that it is not good to keep negative feelings to yourself. That everyone needs someone to vent to. I don't have anyone to do that. Also, I get tired of thinking about all my issues and problems. But I have a tendancy to hold stuff in and then * blow-up*. If only to myself. So-o-o--o--o, I am trying something new. To be as real as possible, true to myself.

If I find that I it is causing even more negative feelings, then I will stop blogging.